Is It Because of Me?
by DancinAngel-love
Summary: I don't know if they were my fault to… But I do know your death was because of me… If I would have kept pushing you away, then would have still been here? Would you have died so horribly? Would any of you? One-Shot


Hey everyone, this is a one shot on how hat i think would be going through Ririchiyo's head after Kagerou talked to her in the last Manga.

This is what went through my head when I got done reading that part, and I was done crying over Soushi and everyone dying, and Soushi, Ririchiyo and Watanuki not remembering.

I don't know if it makes since or if anyone will like it, but it's just a little something.

Disclaimer: I do not own Inu X Boku SS it, and all the respective characters belong to the original creator.

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It no longer makes any since to me. I couldn't understand it, and how was it he was gone, but yet still be right in front of me…

I missed him now, dearly, but yet I still love him, and I wish the man who was standing before me was him, but it isn't. He's trying to be him, but there's a difference, minor ones, but ones I can still see.

I want my Miketsukami, the one I fell in love with. I want the one who knew me, the one who found a way to get me to trust, and be friends. The one who called himself my dog, though he was so much more than that…

Time is a precious thing, that's what I believe. And I now fear the time from my past life was wasted, and there was so much more stuff I could have done for him, for myself.  
He said he wanted a child, a family with me… did I fail him?  
I told him that we would have the time to think over it, but did we have all the time I expected us to? Should I have already made my decision when he asked? Or would it have been pointless…

I suppose he would have a different dream now…  
And different perspective's…

Does he still see me the same? Am I still dear to him?  
Does… Does he still love me?  
Or is it not him at all, which I know it isn't him… So he wouldn't feel the same.

I'm nothing to him, he's just trying to please me, and make me happy.  
It's what the past him would do, but for more reasons than that.  
The present he was different…

Miketsukami-Kun… Soushi… I miss you…

I miss you so much, I want you back, I want the past you… You died…  
You aren't with me no more…  
It isn't the same you, even though I wish so dearly it was… I wish you remembered me, the way I remember you.

I remember you told me it was me who choose whether you lived or died.  
But you were wrong… I didn't choose for you to, I wanted you to live, and I would have died for you if you would have let me… Why didn't you let me?

You were more than just my dog, my servant… You were my lover. And the man I loved.

Miketsukami…

Miketsukami… I still dream of that night, I see you die…  
and when I do, the present you calms me, and says your still here, you're still alive…  
But you're not…

So Kagerou was right… I need to stop living in the past…  
And start living in the present…

You're not my Soushi, no matter how much I wish you were. You somehow know all about me, every detail just as he did.  
But it isn't you memories is it? And if it was then why are things so different?

Or am I fooled by false memories, and false dreams?  
Was it all a lie to myself? And was Kagerou lying to? It doesn't seem like it.

I never wanted anyone close to me… never…  
I feared they would be hurt if they got to close, and they did.

You Soushi, you were hurt. Not only you though.

Miketsukami, it was you…  
and Kagerou,  
Watanuki, and Karuta…  
Nobara…

They all died, the night after you maybe even the same… I don't remember  
I don't even know if their deaths were my fault as yours was…

Even Zange died… but I know somehow, he died differently. But I know also that I fear he was hurt from the deaths of his friends.

The same for Renshou… was he hurt when we all died? Was he hurt to be alone?

I don't know if they were my fault to…  
But I do know your death was because of me… If I would have kept pushing you away, then would have still been here? Would you have died so horribly? Would any of you?

Miketsukami-kun… Soushi…  
if I could have the past you again, maybe I wouldn't feel this way, or maybe I would feel worse…

The present you is so different, it makes me even sadder.

Miketsukami… my Soushi…

I miss you.

I love you…

Soushi Miketsukami.

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Hope you all enjoyed my little one shot.

If you have never seen this Anime, or read the manga then I suggest you do, its really good.

Hope you enjoyed and sorry if you didn't like it or whatever.


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